Thought of the Day

I really don't have any profound revelation or interesting thoughts to share today, so feel free to skip this post.

I just have a curious feeling that I've been experiencing. With music. And I just wanted to try and capture what I'm feeling in words... hopefully I can get a better understanding of it.

So I love music, thats given. But lately I've been playing the guitar more. Playing the piano. Listening to interesting tunes. SCOURING youtube. Researching great guitarists. I was at a drum circle on Sunday and felt completely stoned. I was just watching a documentary on Jimi Hendrix. Always have music on in the car. I got my iPod on at work. And a definitely have the headphones hooked up at home. The past couple days especially: I've been swimming in music. And I loved it. I wanted nothing more.

One day last week I left work early because I heard a cool tune. And I HAD to play it. It was overwhelming. I couldn't focus on anything else. I HAD to go home IMMEDIATELY and learn it. Which I did and it felt really good.

Ever since someone taught me to drum on tables when I was in middle school, I've had to stop myself from annoying everyone around me with it. I've been caught playing air guitar several times, and apparently I should be embarrassed about that. Never really cared tho. Poetry has always made more sense to me than regular speech.

I've always said that I wanted to play music. I wanted a drum set, then later a clarinet, when I was a kid but it was too expensive. I've been writing lyrics off and on since I was in 9th grade (I still have some of my shit, its hilarious).

Am I fooling myself or am I really this in love with music? It confuses me because all that fire never comes out right when I want it to. When other people are around I mess up. I don't feel like, connected. I can't write when I want to, I can only write when it comes to me. I wonder if it's just some type of panic related thing, like I'm worried that I won't good enough for others, or maybe it's a perfectionist thing, like I'm not good enough for myself yet, so I don't even want to bother with others. Or maybe I'm just really not that in touch with music and I don't want to be exposed.

Either way, lately my headphones have been transporting me to a different planet.

And I dunno... I think I might like that planet better than this one.