Fear and Loathing in P.G. County

I had heard about that movie... seemed like somewhat of a cult thing, but I hadn't actually talked to anyone about it. I dunno what possessed me to pick this film to watch on NetFlix (particularly after just having watched Enter the Dragon.. odd transition), but I thank that mystical force that laughs when we call things "random" and "coincidence."

Full of sin, debauchery, and drugs, it was a pretty dark movie. Usually I enjoy dark movies that make me feel a little depressed.. I consider that good filmmaking. But this movie somehow made me feel good. Couldn't figure out why.. but I realized. The actions of the characters, the acting of the actors... it was so HUMAN. Just because they were high off their asses, it didn't possess them by an evil force. Their judgement was so far hindered to cause them so do or think or perceive unreasonable things, but the movie was honest in that - sober- these were regular guys. I've never been on an acid trip before, but I imagine I would act similar to Johnny and Benicio.

Johnny Depp's character experienced the "Fear and Loathing," which seemed to be associated with the feeling that he was in a place he didn't belong, doing what he shouldn't be doing, outcast and criminalized by the people he encountered. The two were vexed, for the most part by the same bullshit that bothers me, their intoxicated brains just took the sensory input and distorted it based on their feelings towards it. I related to them.

Choose your drug: alcohol, cigarettes, television, internet, social constructs based on flawed, lazy thinking. But its the same thing. It's always an escape. It always alters your perception. It makes it so you can do things you wouldn't normally do, things that would and should be looked down upon but aren't. Because everyone's so HIGH that their actions are excusable. It's like how people act at a club or a bar. It's like, they know damn well what they should or shouldn't do. But they get drunk and do it anyway because.. their judgement is compromised? Sounds fucking stupid, especially if you go in expecting your judgement to be compromised. (BTW: I'm talking about myself too, don't worry about calling me a hypocrite) Being drugged up makes things easier because you're not in the right state of mind. You're not sober, so you're not responsible for your actions.

Check this out: it's never about what you use. It's about how you use it. It's about what it does to you, aside from stated side effects. Its about the rewiring that occurs from the misuse of your drug of choice. I smoked cigarettes because they calmed me down. No, no wait. I'm lying. I smoked cigarettes because for 5 minutes I could pretend I was calm and I had no problems (sounds a little extreme but its true). I was misusing them, not because I was smoking, but because I was creating an affect of the cigarettes as a point of focus so I could ignore the real affect, or vice versa.. i'm not sure really but you get what i'm trying to say.

The two gentlemen in the movie were drugged up the whole time, but they were still living. They did their damnedest to make the best of whatever situation they were in. They just lived life. However, they allowed themselves to be limited by the drugs, ignoring that they potentially could have experienced and enjoyed so much more. Ignoring, or not knowing.

Either way, I see so many mirrors right now that my metaphor is starting to look like a funhouse.

All the drugs that we ingest - by choice or by accident - are limiting ourselves, limiting our experiences. Ignoring it makes us no better than the drug addicts in the movie. We can't just continue to accept the altered state of mind as a norm. We can't keep going through life in a foggy haze. We can't continue to allow ourselves to be surrounded by fear and loathing - what kind of way is that to live?

But admitting we have a problem is scary. Not because it's hard to break the habit or anything; heavens, no.

It's hard because when you're sober, you're responsible for your actions.

Marinade on that.