wow I really fuck with this song on another level
Sunday, August 30, 2009
one miracle
What if
everyone went through life
with one miracle stashed in their back pocket
and thats all thats alotted
and the rest is up to them
it just depends how much they want it
most people would use it
far before they ought have
and be angry they only got one
and some would draw solace
from knowing that theres a plot drawn in their favor
with a miracle in your back pocket
tread with confidence
down the path you choose
and die knowing you didnt need it at all
this sucks but i like the idea of it
everyone went through life
with one miracle stashed in their back pocket
and thats all thats alotted
and the rest is up to them
it just depends how much they want it
most people would use it
far before they ought have
and be angry they only got one
and some would draw solace
from knowing that theres a plot drawn in their favor
with a miracle in your back pocket
tread with confidence
down the path you choose
and die knowing you didnt need it at all
this sucks but i like the idea of it
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Quote of the Day
“Think not of yourself as the architect of your career but as the sculptor. Expect to have to do a lot of hard hammering and chiseling and scraping and polishing.”
- BC Forbes
- BC Forbes
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Fear and Loathing in P.G. County
I had heard about that movie... seemed like somewhat of a cult thing, but I hadn't actually talked to anyone about it. I dunno what possessed me to pick this film to watch on NetFlix (particularly after just having watched Enter the Dragon.. odd transition), but I thank that mystical force that laughs when we call things "random" and "coincidence."
Full of sin, debauchery, and drugs, it was a pretty dark movie. Usually I enjoy dark movies that make me feel a little depressed.. I consider that good filmmaking. But this movie somehow made me feel good. Couldn't figure out why.. but I realized. The actions of the characters, the acting of the actors... it was so HUMAN. Just because they were high off their asses, it didn't possess them by an evil force. Their judgement was so far hindered to cause them so do or think or perceive unreasonable things, but the movie was honest in that - sober- these were regular guys. I've never been on an acid trip before, but I imagine I would act similar to Johnny and Benicio.
Johnny Depp's character experienced the "Fear and Loathing," which seemed to be associated with the feeling that he was in a place he didn't belong, doing what he shouldn't be doing, outcast and criminalized by the people he encountered. The two were vexed, for the most part by the same bullshit that bothers me, their intoxicated brains just took the sensory input and distorted it based on their feelings towards it. I related to them.
Choose your drug: alcohol, cigarettes, television, internet, social constructs based on flawed, lazy thinking. But its the same thing. It's always an escape. It always alters your perception. It makes it so you can do things you wouldn't normally do, things that would and should be looked down upon but aren't. Because everyone's so HIGH that their actions are excusable. It's like how people act at a club or a bar. It's like, they know damn well what they should or shouldn't do. But they get drunk and do it anyway because.. their judgement is compromised? Sounds fucking stupid, especially if you go in expecting your judgement to be compromised. (BTW: I'm talking about myself too, don't worry about calling me a hypocrite) Being drugged up makes things easier because you're not in the right state of mind. You're not sober, so you're not responsible for your actions.
Check this out: it's never about what you use. It's about how you use it. It's about what it does to you, aside from stated side effects. Its about the rewiring that occurs from the misuse of your drug of choice. I smoked cigarettes because they calmed me down. No, no wait. I'm lying. I smoked cigarettes because for 5 minutes I could pretend I was calm and I had no problems (sounds a little extreme but its true). I was misusing them, not because I was smoking, but because I was creating an affect of the cigarettes as a point of focus so I could ignore the real affect, or vice versa.. i'm not sure really but you get what i'm trying to say.
The two gentlemen in the movie were drugged up the whole time, but they were still living. They did their damnedest to make the best of whatever situation they were in. They just lived life. However, they allowed themselves to be limited by the drugs, ignoring that they potentially could have experienced and enjoyed so much more. Ignoring, or not knowing.
Either way, I see so many mirrors right now that my metaphor is starting to look like a funhouse.
All the drugs that we ingest - by choice or by accident - are limiting ourselves, limiting our experiences. Ignoring it makes us no better than the drug addicts in the movie. We can't just continue to accept the altered state of mind as a norm. We can't keep going through life in a foggy haze. We can't continue to allow ourselves to be surrounded by fear and loathing - what kind of way is that to live?
But admitting we have a problem is scary. Not because it's hard to break the habit or anything; heavens, no.
It's hard because when you're sober, you're responsible for your actions.
Marinade on that.
Full of sin, debauchery, and drugs, it was a pretty dark movie. Usually I enjoy dark movies that make me feel a little depressed.. I consider that good filmmaking. But this movie somehow made me feel good. Couldn't figure out why.. but I realized. The actions of the characters, the acting of the actors... it was so HUMAN. Just because they were high off their asses, it didn't possess them by an evil force. Their judgement was so far hindered to cause them so do or think or perceive unreasonable things, but the movie was honest in that - sober- these were regular guys. I've never been on an acid trip before, but I imagine I would act similar to Johnny and Benicio.
Johnny Depp's character experienced the "Fear and Loathing," which seemed to be associated with the feeling that he was in a place he didn't belong, doing what he shouldn't be doing, outcast and criminalized by the people he encountered. The two were vexed, for the most part by the same bullshit that bothers me, their intoxicated brains just took the sensory input and distorted it based on their feelings towards it. I related to them.
Choose your drug: alcohol, cigarettes, television, internet, social constructs based on flawed, lazy thinking. But its the same thing. It's always an escape. It always alters your perception. It makes it so you can do things you wouldn't normally do, things that would and should be looked down upon but aren't. Because everyone's so HIGH that their actions are excusable. It's like how people act at a club or a bar. It's like, they know damn well what they should or shouldn't do. But they get drunk and do it anyway because.. their judgement is compromised? Sounds fucking stupid, especially if you go in expecting your judgement to be compromised. (BTW: I'm talking about myself too, don't worry about calling me a hypocrite) Being drugged up makes things easier because you're not in the right state of mind. You're not sober, so you're not responsible for your actions.
Check this out: it's never about what you use. It's about how you use it. It's about what it does to you, aside from stated side effects. Its about the rewiring that occurs from the misuse of your drug of choice. I smoked cigarettes because they calmed me down. No, no wait. I'm lying. I smoked cigarettes because for 5 minutes I could pretend I was calm and I had no problems (sounds a little extreme but its true). I was misusing them, not because I was smoking, but because I was creating an affect of the cigarettes as a point of focus so I could ignore the real affect, or vice versa.. i'm not sure really but you get what i'm trying to say.
The two gentlemen in the movie were drugged up the whole time, but they were still living. They did their damnedest to make the best of whatever situation they were in. They just lived life. However, they allowed themselves to be limited by the drugs, ignoring that they potentially could have experienced and enjoyed so much more. Ignoring, or not knowing.
Either way, I see so many mirrors right now that my metaphor is starting to look like a funhouse.
All the drugs that we ingest - by choice or by accident - are limiting ourselves, limiting our experiences. Ignoring it makes us no better than the drug addicts in the movie. We can't just continue to accept the altered state of mind as a norm. We can't keep going through life in a foggy haze. We can't continue to allow ourselves to be surrounded by fear and loathing - what kind of way is that to live?
But admitting we have a problem is scary. Not because it's hard to break the habit or anything; heavens, no.
It's hard because when you're sober, you're responsible for your actions.
Marinade on that.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Quote of the Day - Illest quote I've heard in a while
"Pressure is nothing more than the shadow of a great opportunity."
-Michael Johnson
-Michael Johnson
yaD ehT fO thguohT
I had a thought today that completely made me turn everything upside down.
If you haven't noticed I'm very anti-boxes. I hate having predefined ways of looking at things. The way I look at it is that it's impossible to have a set standard reaction for every situation. It doesn't make sense, your brain can't hold a database like that. So I hate boxes.
The problem is, I'm full of shit.
Because I like to make sense of everything around me. Another thing you may have noticed in this blog, if you've looked at enough posts, is that I like to organize what I observe. And file everything away. In boxes.
I was driving when I realized this, and I almost crashed.
So what the fuck? Okay, I hate boxes, but I feel compelled to make sense of my world, and create this little guide for myself. This is a big ass philosophical contradiction. Where the hell am I supposed to go from here?
Maybe it's neither. Maybe this is where being idealistic gets you. It makes no sense to look at everything in life with virgin eyes, every day would be pretty fucking taxing. But you can't define something thats undefinable. Or you can't simply accept someone else's definition of something.
It's funny, as much as I hate people classifying me as anything, in my head I actually try to define who I am. Instead of just being it. And it will come off as forced every time. If I'm an artist I should just be an artist right? Not tell myself I'm an artist and force what I think should come from that... haha I'm a lil fucked up in the head
Life is about balance, and jumping from one end of the see-saw to the other is as productive as masturbation. I'm not sure where that balance is. It's gonna take a while to figure it out, but at least I'm not bullshitting myself.
You know, whenever I realized something like this, where I feel like I've been hiding something from myself or not being totally honest with myself, I wonder how many other lil traps I've set. I guess figuring this shit out and fixing is part of the growth process in life.
I think I'm rambling at this point. I'm just going to go back to watching Lost. Good night folks.
If you haven't noticed I'm very anti-boxes. I hate having predefined ways of looking at things. The way I look at it is that it's impossible to have a set standard reaction for every situation. It doesn't make sense, your brain can't hold a database like that. So I hate boxes.
The problem is, I'm full of shit.
Because I like to make sense of everything around me. Another thing you may have noticed in this blog, if you've looked at enough posts, is that I like to organize what I observe. And file everything away. In boxes.
I was driving when I realized this, and I almost crashed.
So what the fuck? Okay, I hate boxes, but I feel compelled to make sense of my world, and create this little guide for myself. This is a big ass philosophical contradiction. Where the hell am I supposed to go from here?
Maybe it's neither. Maybe this is where being idealistic gets you. It makes no sense to look at everything in life with virgin eyes, every day would be pretty fucking taxing. But you can't define something thats undefinable. Or you can't simply accept someone else's definition of something.
It's funny, as much as I hate people classifying me as anything, in my head I actually try to define who I am. Instead of just being it. And it will come off as forced every time. If I'm an artist I should just be an artist right? Not tell myself I'm an artist and force what I think should come from that... haha I'm a lil fucked up in the head
Life is about balance, and jumping from one end of the see-saw to the other is as productive as masturbation. I'm not sure where that balance is. It's gonna take a while to figure it out, but at least I'm not bullshitting myself.
You know, whenever I realized something like this, where I feel like I've been hiding something from myself or not being totally honest with myself, I wonder how many other lil traps I've set. I guess figuring this shit out and fixing is part of the growth process in life.
I think I'm rambling at this point. I'm just going to go back to watching Lost. Good night folks.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Thought of the Day
Doesn't the phrase "Curiosity killed the cat" subliminally teach us not to ask questions and stay in our safe place where smarter people will just make sure we're ok? Or did I just carry that way too far?
Friday, August 21, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
In the last 10 days I [went to Disney World, saw the oldest city In America, ate frozen grapes at a hotel pool I couldn't afford, never slept in the same place more than twice, drove 11 hours straight, went to South Beach and Miami Beach, learned something new about myself, met an artist, started believing astrology, played the drums, the guitar, wrote lyrics, and drew in the same day, learned that redbull and jaegermeister are from Austria while drinking jaegerbombs and dancing with a girl from Austria who was studying animation, listened to music constantly, got drunk on the beach at night, ate Cuban food, Columbian food, and Brazilian food, realized people in the south a really nice, laughed alot, learned about cadence and syncopation and rhythm, hung out with two friends I haven't seen in years and felt like no time had passed, experienced nightlife in Orlando, Miami, and Charleston, listened to M.I.A., Eminem, Bob Marley, and Mindless Self Indulgence in the same day, took lots of pictures, disconnected from the Internet and connected with people, grew up a little bit by acting like a kid, drove south with no AC, learned that you have to understand something to change it, and that you comfort zone will eventually become your prison, probably won't complain about driving to Virginia anymore, almost got struck by lightening, decided I'm going to Morocco next year, and that Moroccan woman look really really good, lived like a king while poor as a peasant, and charged my iPod more than my cell phone] went to Miami.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
dont stop
its easy to quit when faced with a roadblock
some think its a sign that you should stop
but its not
its a test
to see if you deserve the reward
don't stop
it's always darkest just before the dawn
some think its a sign that you should stop
but its not
its a test
to see if you deserve the reward
don't stop
it's always darkest just before the dawn
Monday, August 3, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
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