The Old Me and The New Me

This is going to be alot shorter than it should be because I talk about an issue that I mull over every day, every hour, and runs really DEEP. I'm in the middle of a diesel-ass identity crisis. But this is not about an identity crisis. This is about a situation.

I often struggle with this concept of the boy I used to be and the man I want to be. I feel like I'm somewhere in-between, very much in a transitional state. There are many, many traits of these two characters, both VERY DISTINCT. One of them I can observe in action. The other, I'm too engaged in life to observe. The minute I observe it, I fall back to the prior, becoming disengaged from the beauty of life. I'm not getting something right... I think I know what it is, and I am going to continue to work on it.

However, this blog post is not some spiritual epiphany I had. It's just how I feel right now. The old me is a person who relates to EVERYONE. SO much so that he forgets how to relate to himself. The new me, is so confident in what he stands for, there are no other worries or woes. This version of myself has feelings, and loves his fellow man (perhaps more than the old - seemingly more sympathetic - me), but KNOWS what is right. And he reflects what is right in his easy flow of words, swagger, intuitiveness, calmness of spirit, and countless other emotions he feels. He has certain things that he stands by. But sometimes there is a roadblock. Sometimes the old me takes over in certain situations.

I have found that my ideals are often betrayed by my conscience. The short-sightedness of the old me sees the hurt that I MAY cause in the moment. But the new me understands that standing by what I believe is right is the most important thing, because I'm a good person. The old me questions me, questions my intentions, and questions my decisions, and questions my intelligence. And the me right now listens (should the last two sentences go in a song?). Every time. I just blogged about how part of loving someone is being able to tell them what is right even if it hurts them. This is why I said the last sentence in that blog.

(deep breath) (do what's right, not what's nice)

peace